Tuesday, April 8, 2014

The Typo Conspiracy

Mulluane | Tuesday, April 08, 2014 | 7 Comments so far
Yes folks, you read that right. There is a hidden typo conspiracy. Now this is not a government conspiracy. There are no grammar killers on grassy knolls. Nope my dear friends, this is an alien conspiracy of the worse kind!

But first let me explain how I made this life altering discovery...

8 years ago, when I first started blogging, I had quite a few delusions. First, although I only have a HS education, I thought I had a pretty good vocabulary. Atleast that is what friends and family told me, usually followed by "You read way too many books."

Secondly I thought I could spell. Please don't ask me why. I already told you I was delusional.

Thirdly, even though my last grammar class was 36 years ago, I thought I had enough of a handle on it to get by. Boy was I really wrong about that one.

Or was I...

Then it hit me!


It was so obvious and yet, so simple.


Aliens!


And not your "run-of-the-mill, we-come-in-peace" type aliens either. These are Nanobot Aliens!

Yep folks, they are here and they intend to drive all of us screaming over cliffs so they can move in and take over.
Alien Making Peace Sign

Know those strange commas that appear all over your sentences? Yep, Nanobot Aliens.

It all starts so innocently. First commas begin to infest your sentences. But it doesn't stop there. These nefarious creatures multiply at a prodigious rate. Soon whatever you have written is densely populated with poor punctuation, misspelled words, disappearing letters, mixed tenses, and improper contractions. They will replace "their" with "there" or even "they're" and if you listen really closely, you can hear them giggling as they run amuk. 

(I bet you thought that whirring sound was your computer or your desk fan didn't you. Nope, Nanobots -- laughing.)

And you know what is worse? They automatically hide all errors from even the most meticulous and expert of proofreaders and editors! It is maniacal, it is horrific and it is brilliant!

But wait! It gets better...

Did you know that these sneaky, dastardly, evil geniuses add worthless code to HTML too!

Oh my heavens yes. They surround any and every random piece of code you can imagine with span tags, div tags, font tags, color tags and there is an annoying trail of amp and nbsp pooped all over the place.

It is truly a nightmare.

And if all this wasn't enough...

They don't do any of this until AFTER you have hit the publish, post, send, or whatever button it is you use to release your wonderful hard work loose into the world! 

Bastards.

So next time you stare in mortification at the screwed up results of your literary endeavours, please don't go running off of any cliffs. Oh and try to resist the urge to toss your computer out the window too. Just comfort yourself with the thought that it isn't you, or the poor computer. It is actually an infestation of marauding Nanobot Aliens set on driving you crazy.

Or atleast that is what I keep telling myself...

So what do you think. Have I been watching too much Sci-Fi channel or am I really onto something here? Inquiring -- and somewhat demented -- minds want to know.





Mulluane is a 55-year-old proud grandmother of 4, who is passionate about her pets, blogging, traditional fantasy, and tinkering with webdesign. She is obssesively photo shy but she uses an avatar that accurately represents her dreams. ♥ You can also find her on:

Twitter ~ Facebook ~ Pinterest
Dragons, Heroes and Wizards

7 comments :

  1. Alien! Nasty, sneaky aliens! EEEEEK!
    Now I know why my brave knights - Sir Thesaurus and Lord SpellCheker - look so worn out sometimes, why their bright, shining armor is not so bright and shiny, and they sport wounds and cuts. Those horrible creatures are making their life harder than I ever could!

    How, how can we defend ourselves from the invasion? Should we put a tinfoil hat over our computer? Recite incantations holding our mouse under a full moon? I don't know...

    And yet, by Grabthar's Hammer, we will never give up, never surrender!

    :-D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. OMG! Look at that they just did to poor Lord Spellchecker!

      Delete
    2. OMG OMG OMG! And they turned my "what" into a "that"!!!!

      Delete
    3. **Maddalena stares at what she wrote**
      //faints//
      **Maddalena recovers and slaps herself with a trout**

      Yes, those aliens are coming out of the damn walls!!!!!

      (it's great to have somebody else to blame... *eg*)

      Delete
  2. Makes as much sense as anythi8ng. (Especially since I barely touched the "8" key there, and I've seen this keyboard ignore far firmer touches that I meant to type.) {wryly amused smile}

    ReplyDelete

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